Reading examples of personal statements can be valuable when applying to a university or college course. After all, personal statement examples can teach you how to write and structure your application, and you can quickly learn how to write a personal statement by examining others.
But with so many university personal statement examples available, how do you know if you’re reading a good one?
Postgraduate personal statements should highlight relevant academic and practical experience, research skills and ambitions and their suitability for the course. This postgraduate personal statement example for AI & Big Data clearly outlines these three critical elements.
Studying master’s degree personal statement examples can be especially valuable. They’re sometimes referred to as personal mission statements or statements of purpose, so if you’re tasked with writing a personal mission statement, the following example will work for you.
I’ve broken down this personal statement example section by section, with a commentary on each element.
That way, you’ll see its strengths and weaknesses and get some inspiration for your own personal statement.
Once you’ve read the personal statement example and analysis, you’ll be able to download a pdf of the whole document, to use as inspiration for your own!
Postgraduate Personal Statement Example: AI & Big Data Computing
Personal Statement Example: Introduction
“In an era enveloped by modern technology, patterns of consumption and means of payment have changed dramatically and irrevocably. The global development of online shopping and currency digitisation allows us to buy whatever we need whenever we need it. Moreover, we can complete transactions quickly and securely using facial recognition. As a young adult who has been heavily influenced by digital shopping, I became interested in the design and development of shopping software and its corresponding payment technology.
Studying for a BSc in Software Development with a minor in Computer Science at the University of Buckley, learning programming felt like learning to perform magic. I saw how visionary ideas could be realised in computer language, making machines more intelligent and efficient. I am eager to continue exploring the mystery and potential inherent in computer science. I am confident that this master’s in Artificial Intelligence and Big Data Computing at Slater Polytechnic University is the ideal next step to improve my professional knowledge and skills.”
Commentary and Analysis
The opening of this personal statement is engaging, concise and relevant to the course the writer is applying for. It uses informed observations and appropriate terminology and immediately strikes the reader as well-written and academic in tone.
The writer makes a clear link with the value and impact of their undergraduate studies and offers a valid, generalised rationale for studying at the university of their choice.
This introduction has a sense of purpose and relevancy, but it lacks specifics about the technology discussed, which would have added a greater level of legitimacy.
If you’re struggling with your personal statement introduction, check out my article on how to write perfect opening paragraphs here.
Personal Statement Example: Academic Background
“Throughout my undergraduate studies, I have been proactive in learning systematic computer theory and programming, laying a foundation in mathematics and science, developing the ability to think independently and improving my logical thinking and creative skills.
During this process, I became increasingly fascinated by artificial intelligence. Electing to study an Introduction to Artificial Intelligence course, I explored heuristic search, game playing, machine learning, neural networks and probabilistic reasoning. More importantly, I experimented with applying algorithms and techniques related to AI across a range of specific contexts, allowing problems to be solved and functionality optimised.
During my experiments, I undertook data pre-processing, managing dirty data and normalisation with Weka on the Pima Indian diabetes dataset, which contains 768 instances described by eight numerical attributes. Subsequently, I used Python to implement the K-Nearest Neighbour and Naïve Bayes algorithms to build two classifiers, using some data instances as training data to make diabetes predictions.
Additionally, I implemented 10-fold hierarchical cross-validation to evaluate the performance and accuracy of both classifiers on the same data set. When I ran Decision Tree, Multi-Layer Perceptron, Support Vector Machine and Random Forest with Weka to calculate accuracy and compare, I found that different algorithms showed conflicting results in different contexts.
To improve the accuracy of my prediction, I performed Correlation-based Feature Selection on the data, effectively removing the influence of irrelevant factors. Successfully completing this project, I developed a better understanding of the principles and potential of machine learning and enhanced my practical and analytical skills. I believe this experience has prepared me well for graduate study.”
Commentary and Analysis
The first paragraph above is outstanding in terms of claims but is descriptive without giving evidential examples, which would have added much more depth. However, the second paragraph does show evidence of relevant prior knowledge, showing an impressive depth of terminology, relevance and expertise, which would impress an admissions reader. The writer also links their prior learning to the master’s course they are applying for, which is essential.
The technical aspects of the second half of this section are even more impressive, as the vocabulary is used expertly and expressed logically. There is a clear link between the writer’s knowledge depth and the course demands, although more specific connections could have been drawn. The last two sentences are not specific enough in terms of a direct link with course modules.
If you’d like to learn more about how to structure your personal statement or statement of purpose, check out my awesome Personal Statement Template eBook here. It’s full of detailed examples of what to include!
Personal Statement Example: Practical Experience 1
“In addition to my active academic engagement and exploration, I also have a wealth of relevant internship and practical experience. During my exchange program at Marshall University, I deepened my understanding and application of data mining by pre-processing, visualising and analysing data on China’s demographic change and urban-rural distribution and regression prediction. During my internship at Pounce Artificial Intelligence Technology Co Ltd, I interacted with the algorithmic models of facial expression recognition and sentiment analysis.
As a result, clients from diverse backgrounds and age groups, such as university students and older people in nursing homes, can receive accurate sentiment analysis reports and suggestions for improvement after using our products for human-computer interaction. I now have a compelling clarity of vision for the future application of this technology in medical treatment, in monitoring patients’ emotions and generating new opportunities for well-being and positive mental health.”
Commentary and Analysis
The elements referred to here link directly with the content offered by the course, so the writer has succeeded in evidencing their suitability in practical terms. However, there’s very little direct relevance to particular units or modules, which would have strengthened the content.
The second half of this section goes a little off-topic. Although it shows the application of the internship work, we lose a sense of relevancy. However, the writer rescues this to a degree by linking this passage with their ambitions.
Check out lots more examples of personal statements here, and see how they can inspire your application!
Personal Statement Example: Practical Experience 2
“Subsequently, I joined Fourth Sky Network Technology Co Ltd as an intern. In developing the business requirements for portraits, I took the initiative and taught myself Python Spider, parsing the Baidu Tieba and Douban websites to obtain nearly 1,000 pieces of avatar data. I also compared the Baidu image recognition function when implementing the image recommendation function.
The obvious difference in results piqued my interest in exploring graph recognition technology within the sphere of artificial intelligence. The skills I acquired deepened my understanding of algorithmic models, data analysis and machine learning, shaping the direction of my choice of both my master’s study and career ambitions.”
Commentary and Analysis:
This more relevant and dynamic section builds on the previous one but offers evidence of skills and experiences more tangibly. The connection between the writer’s practical skills and further academic ambitions is of the most value, made in the second paragraph. Admissions readers like to see a correlation between an applicant’s goals and the course offer, and this passage achieves this successfully.
Again, a substantial range of relevant vocabulary is used, showing a suitable academic level for postgraduate study.
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Personal Statement Example: Conclusion
“Artificial intelligence has already had some disruptive effects on human life and is bound to make positive and currently unforeseen leaps forward in the future. Consequently, I believe that Slater Polytechnic University offers the most suitable program for the next phase of my academic study and personal development. I look forward to learning how to apply and design more complex applications, analyse data using cutting-edge statistical techniques and gain greater machine learning knowledge.
I also aim to extend my professional skills by studying Natural Language Processing and Speech and Image Recognition as my elective courses. I am passionate about collaborating with others and am keen to meet and learn from a group of like-minded peers.
A motivated student, I am eager to use my undergraduate knowledge and industry experience to focus on language analysis and action recognition in artificial intelligence. Ultimately, I hope to realise intelligent furniture and create products that offer all a convenient life. I look forward to playing a creative and dynamic role as a valued member of your faculty and taking my place in the next generation of AI and big data breakthroughs.”
Commentary and Analysis
The first part of this conclusion is far too generic. Without any real clarity of example, the writer makes broad observations that lack depth. What disruptive effects? What are the projects or individuals at the forefront of this industry? Indeed, throughout this personal statement, there is very little evidence of academic reading or research and no formal quotes or references, which weakens the application.
Wanting to offer everyone a ‘convenient life’ is far too generalised. It wastes the opportunity to identify specific organisations or practitioners within the industry that the writer might aspire to work with.
Equally, there is no information regarding specific research projects, professors or alums that the writer particularly wants to engage with. Consequently, there isn’t a compelling reason why the candidate has chosen this particular university.
Last, the writer hasn’t indicated what value they might bring to the faculty. The last paragraph should always outline the potential contributions of the applicant to the university community, showing the added qualities they will bring.
For more great advice, check out my article on writing an excellent final personal statement paragraph here.
Whether you’re looking for personal mission statement examples or an example of personal purpose statement, I hope this personal statement example has been helpful. Above all, I wish you every success in your academic career.
If you’d like to work with me to develop your personal statement 1:1 and write a powerful mission statement, I’d be delighted to hear from you.
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