Examples of personal statements can be valuable sources of information when applying to a university or college course.
After all, personal statement examples can teach you how to write and structure your application, and you can quickly learn how to write a personal statement by examining others.
However, with so many university personal statement examples available online, how do you know if you’re reading a good one?
Postgraduate personal statements should highlight relevant academic and practical experience, research skills and ambitions and their suitability for the course. This postgraduate personal statement example for Business & Marketing clearly illustrates these three critical elements.
Studying master’s degree personal statement examples can be especially valuable. They’re sometimes referred to as personal mission statements or statements of purpose, so if you’re tasked with writing a personal mission statement, the following example will work for you.
I’ve broken down this personal statement example section by section, with a commentary on each element.
That way, you’ll see its strengths and weaknesses and get some inspiration for your own personal statement.
Once you’ve read the personal statement example and analysis, you can download a pdf of the whole document to use as inspiration for your own!
Postgraduate Personal Statement Example: Business & Marketing
Personal Statement Example: Introduction
“As a rational consumer, I buy the things I need and never make large purchases on the spur of the moment. Nonetheless, clearing out a pile of expired cosmetics last year, I reflected on what I had previously thought were necessities and concluded that how producers marketed products had impacted my behaviour as a consumer. There were positive influences; I switched to a wireless bra, thanks to the body-positive movement led by brands like Neiwai. However, with We Media revolutionising marketing strategies, the vast majority of which are explicitly targeted at women, it has become almost impossible to discern whether commodities, opinions and lifestyles are just other “pink tax” or traps of consumerism. Consequently, the desire to take control and apply marketing positively and ethically is critical. Developing my conceptual knowledge of digital marketing to a higher level is a key factor behind my decision to read for this MSc in Business with Marketing.”
My Commentary and Analysis
This personal statement example starts by using a traditional technique – a moment of personal realisation and connection with the subject applied for. That said, it’s unusual for the choice of example to be so mundane or lacking in academic depth.
However, the writer makes a clear connection between their moment of discovery and its connection to the course, which brings the content back into focus. More than this, they go on to display a sound understanding of real-world marketing strategies and use this as a motivational factor for further study. This strategy works well, as it reassures the reader that the applicant has a foundational understanding of the sector and illustrates the logical academic journey the writer is on.
When an admissions team can see that an applicant understands the subject and that the application is part of achieving a larger educational or professional ambition, they are far more likely to make an achievable offer.
If you’re struggling with your personal statement introduction, check out my article on how to write perfect opening paragraphs here.
Personal Statement Example: Academic Background
“Studying a dual degree program in Finance and English gave me a range of skills necessary for this postgraduate course. Modules like Microeconomics, Financial Markets, and Industrial Economics have given me an informed awareness of business workings, providing a foundation for modules such as Quantitative Methods for Business and Strategy Practice and Analysis. Moreover, I have developed strong analytical and problem-solving skills through courses like Financial Accounting, Econometrics, and Statistical Analysis of Financial Data, which relate directly to modules in Foundations of Financial & Management Accounting and Quantitative Methods for Business. My proficiency in English will also allow me to access complex learning materials and contribute to dynamic discussions with my peers.”
My Commentary and Analysis
This section begins positively, with reference to relevant aspects of the writer’s undergraduate experiences. The strategy of identifying specific courses, the skills gained, and their relevance to particular units in the course being applied is highly effective. It shows that the applicant understands the content of the postgraduate degree course and can see how skills can be applied and developed.
It would be more effective if the writer had been able to show more detail in their writing by giving examples of specific work undertaken or outlining exactly how the skills could be applied. This would have also given the writer a chance to use a wider range of technical vocabulary, further evidencing their suitability.
The mention of collaborative experience is made towards the end. These kinds of transferable skills are crucial to include but would have been more impactful if they were linked to a particular aspect of the course being applied for.
This would have given the writer the chance to show further knowledge of the course and perhaps to have indicated research ambitions, which are missing here.
If you’d like to learn more about how to structure your personal statement or statement of purpose, check out my awesome Personal Statement Template eBook here. It’s full of detailed examples of what to include!
Personal Statement Example: Practical Experience 1
“I gained a practical understanding of product development and marketing when working at the Digital English College and Student Service Department. At Slater Education I researched and developed an innovative course in Logical English. This experience taught me the importance of identifying and meeting customers’ needs and communicating the solution’s value. The company was once renowned for its quality-oriented curriculum, attracting advanced students immersed in the value of language acquisition. However, as marketing efforts were adapted to reach lower-tier markets, data indicated that prospective students were highly utilitarian and cared more about succeeding in examinations.
Consequently, we analysed all the possible difficulties students may encounter in test papers, from identifying the language points to understanding a complex sentence. We ensured our courses covered all the skills needed to meet these challenges. We also designed a system which could be logically applied to different question styles, improving accuracy and test results. Potential students gained a clearer understanding of the value of our course in relation to success in school tests and preparation for the college entrance exam. This innovative curriculum was well received; our registered users increased by about 20 per cent, and our competitors emulated the courses.”
Commentary and Analysis
This section begins positively, referencing real-world workplace and internship experiences. Although the context is not immediately relevant, the writer manages to draw out connections between their experiences and their understanding of the value of marketing.
This is a good example of a writer who can identify the transferable value in an experience and make it useful to their application rather than omitting it entirely or listing it in a way that does not add depth and relevance.
The writer explains their contribution to developing a marketing strategy and also demonstrates outcomes. This provides a strong sense of connection with the subject, as well as an inherent sense of motivational value. It also shows an analytical and proactive approach, which is ideal for this discipline.
There is little mention of tools used, specific skills developed or explicit connections to elements of the course, which would have improved the impact of this content.
Check out lots more examples of personal statements here, and see how they can inspire your application!
Personal Statement Example: Practical Experience 2
“I have learned that marketing often begins before a product is fully developed, and different departments must collaborate effectively to deliver consistent support across all channels. Before each sales period, product designers trained the sales staff regarding unique or compelling selling points. This ensured the professionalism of their pitch and provided them with a mutually beneficial competitive edge. In monthly meetings with Slater’s marketing and operations team, we screened customer feedback and analysed class data to make timely adjustments. Acting on qualitative data indicating peak cycles of student focus, we shortened the time for each loop in class and increased the frequency of real-time interactions. We organised weekend timeslots for students to watch recorded lesson video replays by offering a study group service. This boosted results, improved user experience and built long-term brand loyalty.
Experiencing the fluctuating impact of a tightening financial market on online education in China, I became intensely aware that change is the only constant and that the ability to recognise and adapt in response is critical. I have been experimenting with expanding our marketing channels by running a company account on China’s social platform Xiaohongshu since August. Having analysed the knowledge-sharing accounts with the most followers and ruled out saturated fields, I decided to take advantage of our access to the latest school papers to post sample essays. The first composition was from a high school affiliated with Buckley University. This is a highly prestigious school whose test papers were sought after by teachers and parents nationwide and quickly gained me many followers. Maintaining a weekly posting model, I sometimes shared my learning methods, posting pictures of problems I encountered at high school to strengthen my connection and interaction with the audience. The account has 14,000 followers, and they have purchased more than 3,000 copies of our publications through the links I posted. It has been inspirational to explore live-streaming commerce and other social media marketing strategies.”
My Commentary and Analysis:
The first paragraph above is far more detailed regarding the skills, concepts and outcomes used in the workplace and is a convincing element in this postgraduate personal statement example. The writer clearly outlines the processes taken within the marketing team and examines the impact on the business. That’s an ideal preparation for a master’s course.
To improve this, the writer needs to clarify which elements of the course this makes them ideally suitable for, how and where they could apply their skills as a student, and identify areas of knowledge that they need to develop on the course.
In other words, this section of the personal statement should show not only a depth of knowledge but also an awareness of current knowledge limitations and the ways in which the course being applied for will allow those gaps to be filled.
When an admissions reader can see the value to the applicant in enrolling on the course, it increases their confidence that they have made the right choice of course and faculty!
The second paragraph above is impressive in terms of achievement, and it adds some much-needed academic depth to this personal statement. It also shows entrepreneurial spirit, motivation and a range of social media skills, critical in marketing.
Again, adding a clarifying statement that shows exactly how this experience would be relevant to a specific aspect of the course would have added to the positive impact.
The one thing that all successful personal statements have in common is that they are concise, engaging and accurate in spelling, punctuation and grammar. Consequently, I always recommend Grammarly to my students and clients.
It’s an outstanding tool for ensuring your personal statement is rich with detail whilst hitting those all-important word limits. Check out the free version of Grammarly here, or hit the banner for more information.
Personal Statement Example: Conclusion
“Four years ago, I declined an offer from Marshall Foreign Studies University because I could not see where my genuine interest lay, but I am now certain that I want to develop a professional role as a brand marketer. I want to build creative, women-empowering marketing programs that drive business growth and marketability whilst contributing to the rise of influential brands. The more I research this Business with Marketing program, the more compelling and enticing it becomes. Yours is one of the few institutions that highlights the importance of developing and sustaining brands in a global context.
Effective as “carpet bombing” advertising campaigns may be, educated consumers are more likely to relate to a powerful story and the core values behind a brand. Truly engaging brands can create a win-win situation by guiding users towards a more positive lifestyle. This sector, rich with empowerment and purpose, attracts me the most. I am confident that I can contribute to the development of the program’s overall learning experiences by providing valuable industry insights and collaborating with my peers to a high level. I am eager to put immense effort into my learning and development and to validate your favourable consideration throughout and beyond the course.”
My Commentary and Analysis
The writer starts their conclusion by outlining their longer-term ambitions. Crucially, these resonate with the subject and course content, although clarifying this would have added a little extra value.
They then make mention of researching the programme and identify a particular feature that appeals to them. This is good practice, but again, adding depth of detail, talking about particular experiences, faculty staff or research projects that they wanted to engage with would have made this section more convincing.
They end by making mention of their eagerness to contribute to the learning of their peers. Being able to demonstrate the value of your contribution is just as important as listing the ways in which you are suitable for study. Universities want to know that you will be an active and generous member of the community, especially at the postgraduate level.
In summary, much of this personal statement is engaging, relevant and effective. Had the writer made more connections with the course content, given more examples of academic depth in their previous work or demonstrated more fully why this particular course was of such critical value, this personal statement example would have been stronger still.
For more great advice, check out my article on writing an excellent final personal statement paragraph here.
Whether you’re looking for personal mission statement examples or an example of personal purpose statement, I hope this personal statement example has been helpful. Above all, I wish you every success in your academic career.
If you’d like to work with me to develop your personal statement 1:1 and write a powerful mission statement, I’d be delighted to hear from you.
Find out about my personal statement support services by clicking here or on the image below.
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