Examining a wide range of examples of personal statements can be helpful when applying to a university or college course.
After all, personal statement examples can teach you how to write and structure your application, and you can quickly learn how to write a personal statement by examining others.
But with so many university personal statement examples available, how do you know if you’re reading a good one?
Postgraduate personal statements should highlight relevant academic and practical experience, research skills and ambitions and their suitability for the course. This postgraduate personal statement example for eBusiness Management considers these three critical elements.
Studying master’s degree personal statement examples can be especially valuable. They’re sometimes referred to as personal mission statements or statements of purpose, so if you’re tasked with writing a personal mission statement, the following example will work for you.
I’ve broken down this personal statement example section by section, with a commentary on each element.
That way, you’ll see its strengths and weaknesses and get some inspiration for your own personal statement.
Once you’ve read the personal statement example and analysis, you can download a pdf of the whole document to use as inspiration for your own!
Postgraduate Personal Statement Example: eBusiness Management
Personal Statement Example: Introduction
“Digitally mediated business, especially e-business, thrived in the pandemic. Social media, online courses and shopping united global and local communities. To better understand the digital marketing profession, I participated in real-world business experiences, competed in national advertising festivals, interned in various industries and conducted formal research into marketing-related disciplines. I am now ready to develop my knowledge of this sector more formally, and I am confident that this MSc in eBusiness Management will provide me with the academic depth to complement my ongoing research practice.”
My Commentary and Analysis
This introductory paragraph is in summary form. The writer has made it clear that they have a background in the subject they are applying for, used language and ideas from the industry to add depth and detail, and made the case for further study.
They have also made the distinction between professional background and the need for further academic research, which indicates to the reader that they understand the function and purpose of studying on a postgraduate course.
Although these elements are all positive ones to include, the lack of specific personal information, along with the brevity of this introduction, makes it seem a little too superficial and generic.
There’s not actually very much here to grab the reader’s attention, build engagement or set the applicant apart from the crowd, which would all be valuable strategies here.
If you’re struggling with your personal statement introduction, check out my article on how to write perfect opening paragraphs here.
Personal Statement Example: Academic Background
“As an undergraduate, I explored the impact of datafication and digital integration on our globalised world. Examining academic and empirical investigations into ongoing mediatisation indicated that deep digitisation and the embedded networks of countless digital footprints foster a digital society that transcends national boundaries and facilitates greater interconnectedness and cultural flow. Studying Technical & Labour Economics and Principles of Management allowed me to cultivate a firm understanding of international commercial dynamics and hone my market insights, whilst quantitative modules such as Probability & Statistics and Calculus introduced me to analytical methods including regression, optimisation and statistical programming. Participating in a capstone programme organised by Marshall Business School, I mastered valuable media marketing strategies and cultivated a global business perspective. Equally, studying Social Research Theory and Techniques developed my understanding of social science research methods and statistical programming.”
My Commentary and Analysis
This paragraph, which covers undergraduate study, is logically placed and far stronger than the introduction. The writer has used detailed and relevant language to indicate a depth of knowledge which could be applied to the course and shown a breadth of experiences which prepare them well.
In particular, they have indicated what they studied and identified key modules by name, developing this to show exactly what they learned from the process. This is an ideal strategy, as it shows the reader that the applicant is an active and engaged learner who understands the value of knowledge. It’s far more effective than a simple list.
It would have been even more effective if the writer had then made direct connections with the content of the course they are applying for and indicated how their prior learning had prepared them well for the demands they might face as a graduate student.
Showing how previous learning has prepared you for future learning is critical in a personal statement example, as it helps the reader see the validity and purpose of your application.
If you’d like to learn more about structuring your personal statement or statement of purpose, check out my awesome Personal Statement Template eBook here. It’s full of detailed examples of what to include!
Personal Statement Example: Research Experience
“My research experiences have prepared me comprehensively for this MSc. Working with Dr Julius Burrows, I was proud to present a research project into marketing choices on e-commerce platforms at a recent conference on Information Economy, Data Modeling and Cloud Computing. Similarly, as the author of “Building an Evaluation System for Corporate Social Responsibility to Employees” in GlobalPlanet (Aug 2022), I focused on evaluating sustainable corporate social responsibilities in global enterprises. Using the indicators proposed by the official Social Responsibility Standard to form an evaluation matrix, we employed the catastrophe progression method to calculate and analyse CSR degrees for an employee sample.”
Commentary and Analysis
An impressive paragraph that shows a depth of research experience. Being able to indicate faculty members you have worked with and projects you have contributed to is often an essential element in a master’s personal statement, and the depth of experience here is convincing.
Although the material is relevant to the course being applied for, it still doesn’t formally connect with the course content, which is a shame, as if the writer had indicated here how these experiences had qualified them for specific elements of the course, if would have made this section outstanding.
Having contributed to published work, the writer demonstrates their academic credentials well. The only discordant element now working through this personal statement example is that the introduction, which focused on professional and industry experience, now seems out of place.
Having set up a personal statement that was likely to focus on the writer’s professional background, the focus has now shifted to academics, challenging the logic of the opening section.
Check out lots more examples of personal statements here, and see how they can inspire your application!
Personal Statement Example: Practical Experience
“Working in the Project Portfolio Management team at Buckley Jones, I collaborated with overseas colleagues and participated in data collection, comparison, analysis and prediction using Pivot Table in Python. I learned how crucial data is to corporate decision-making and the extent to which global organisations rely on data to strategize and drive influence. As a marketing intern at WeGo Food Group, I was responsible for strategic planning and campaign implementation. I investigated digital trends in content design, production and dissemination to promote a new product line, undertook comprehensive research and crafted branding strategies that employed livestream marketing on platforms such as TikTok and WeChat.”
My Commentary and Analysis:
This section connects more obviously with the introductory content and provides a welcome sense of balance within this personal statement example. Illustrating the ways in which they have developed skills and experience in the professional realm underpins the application very successfully and shows depth of understanding in a practical context.
Programming skills are mentioned, along with social media experience, and these are all relevant. Again, no links are made to the content of the course being applied for, and no explicit links are made between these experiences and their value to successfully completing the course. This is a missed opportunity, as the clearer those links are, the greater the chance of an admissions reader seeing the value in your application.
The one thing that all successful personal statements have in common is that they are concise, engaging and accurate in spelling, punctuation and grammar. Consequently, I always recommend Grammarly to my students and clients.
It’s an outstanding tool for ensuring your personal statement is rich with detail whilst hitting those all-important word limits. Check out the free version of Grammarly here, or hit the banner for more information.
Personal Statement Example: Conclusion
“In the future, I aim to create a fashion brand and leverage my expertise and experience to expand market share and maximise brand influence. Consequently, I am confident that this MSc programme’s Digital Marketing specialism will fully support my future academic and professional ambitions. I intend to develop the skills necessary for real-world practice in courses such as Big Data and Marketing Technology and Digital Marketing, Strategy and Management. I am particularly interested in addressing contemporary creative challenges in the context of digitisation in your Digital Retail Strategy module. The eCustomer Relationship Management course is a critical aspect of my future study goals, as it will allow me to combine academic knowledge with praxis, take a strategic approach to critically evaluating complex organisational structures and determine appropriate implementation plans.
As a postgraduate student, I aim to apply my interdisciplinary background in communications, business acumen and strategic thinking to master technologies critical for delivering powerful levels of transformation within the digital marketing sector. I look forward to collaborating with international students and faculty and developing the skills necessary to drive innovation, productivity and profitability in a global business environment.”
My Commentary and Analysis
The writer outlines their ambitions in this concluding section and ensures that these are relevant to the course outcomes, which is a sound strategy. When your ambitions can be facilitated by the course content, and a reader can see the connection between your ambition and your application, you are far more likely to be made an offer.
There’s also mention here of course modules, and the writer has phrased this in such a way as to show their depth of research and understanding of the content. This is an excellent approach, as it allows a reader to see that the writer has engaged with and understood the relevant literature.
As such, they are far more likely to be applying for the right course and to be successful as a student.
The very last paragraph is quite general. It reads well but doesn’t really add anything new to the personal statement. It does show an understanding of business processes and the role the writer intends to play in these, and there is mention of collaboration, but in very general terms.
It would have been far more effective for the writer to outline their aims for postgraduate research, to discuss transferable skills and to consider the value they are capable of bringing to the faculty. What wider skills do they have? How would the university benefit from having this applicant on-site? What positives would they contribute?
In summary, a convincing and concise personal statement showing a high level of suitability for the course. However, it lacks enough direct connections with the content, a deeper analysis of transferable skills and value, and has a somewhat confusing (and perhaps irrelevant) opening section.
For more great advice, check out my article on writing an excellent final personal statement paragraph here.
Whether you’re looking for personal mission statement examples or an example of personal purpose statement, I hope this personal statement example has been helpful. Above all, I wish you every success in your academic career.
If you’d like to work with me to develop your personal statement 1:1 and write a powerful mission statement, I’d be delighted to hear from you.
Find out about my personal statement support services by clicking here or on the image below.
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